Frustration - I want a normal life.

Well...
It's been a really long time since I've written anything. I lost my passion.
I've lost...a lot of things.
Became depressed
Upset
Angry.

But I'm trying to start again. I remember there was a point where I refused to cry. Two months without tears. And then finally, something pushed me over and I couldn't hold back. Like now.

When someone tells you you're not putting forth an effort when you didn't work for one fucking little hour, it stings like a hornet and lingers in the back of your mind. Because I'm just going about my life like normal and trying not to think about reality, suddenly I'm not doing shit.
Fine.
So be it.
I'll just sit my ass down and do what you're saying I'm doing which is absolutely nothing.

And then there's you acting like some over-protective possessive boyfriend. I don't need you. I don't need anyone questioning my whereabouts every day when nothing's changed. If you really opened your eyes you would see that nothing has changed. Not a single thing.

Okay. So I moved. Big friggen woop. I've moved about 10 times in the 15 years I've been on this earth. It's nothing new. But one day, I'm going to leave and take control of my life.

I don't need you telling me that I'm some dependent child and I'm inconsiderate of your condition at this time.
It's all I ever think about.
How can I help. How can I do my part.
"Hey do you need something?"
I'M TRYING.

So don't go telling me otherwise. Just don't.
Go ahead and hit me and see where I go. Obviously I'll just leave you. And then what will you do when this inconsiderate dependent child disappears?
I won't come back anytime soon.
Go send me to live with my dad's. I.Do.Not.Care.
Because then I'd do what I did almost every night there and cry. And be frustrated with what's going on. And be frustrated that I can't just have a NORMAL life.
I just want to have a normal life!

So. I just got real internet back.
So. I'm now neighbours with one of my closest friends.
So. I'm trying to get in shape because I think I'm finally on stable ground.

I'm really trying.
Don't tell me I'm not.
Because the day you tell me that I can do better.. and that day will come soon at this rate.. you're going to end up in the hospital again and I'm not going to be there to check in on you.
I won't bother.

Yeah so what if I'm mad.
I have my rights.
Just leave me be and stop talking.
Then and only then will you see what I'm actually capable of.