Questions Turned to My Own Answers

So many questions...

We're going to grow apart.

My worst fears will come alive
and then I'll realize how pathetic this really is.

Our arguments are tragic. Sobbing and apologies, hating ourselves for making the other feel so bad.
And then this morning, you were being negative again.
Why?

I'm trying to stay positive in the midst of everything but now I feel like I'm looking at the world through someone else's eyes. I'm feeling lost in the city I grew up in. All these friendly people leaving me temporary happiness until I'm left to my own thoughts. Or are they my thoughts....

What makes me so different that I can't set my heart on someone who is physically close to me? No one I've ever really loved has ever been close to me.. and this is the worst yet. A whole different country?! What's wrong with me.
To make matters worse, he doesn't understand how I feel. I'm staying positive for his negativity; trying to keep my head up though the odds are against me.

Just watch.
In the end, she's
not going to leave the
country and he'll
go running
back.

Wow. What a selfish thing to say.
I'm not selfish.
I gave that up with the rebellious me years ago. Looking back, it was the right thing to do.

Catch people when they fall.
Give them a shoulder.
But when I'm lost, who's going to find me?
When I said I'm down...
Yeah. Okay.
I'm not a downer. I don't want to be a downer.
But I can't change who I am.

I don't want any more empty promises because they will never bring me happiness.
I don't want you to go after her with your temper mental heart.
I want you to be happy though -
and maybe happy means without me.