Escape from Reality

I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched again.
Because...none of them DID hatch, they all died.
Well, I guess that's to an extreme. I mean, I still have a job and I still write...kinda.

My job is the biggest distraction to my mind. I have no will to write right now, I'm just zoned into the books taking me away from reality. Re-discovering the library is one of the best and worst things to happen.
Books keep me away from my mind, but at the same time bring me closer to my deepest wants and needs. I guess as a fellow author, I know the pull of a false reality and what it can do for those reading the material.
We're all just trying to get away from our lives.

Anyways. My paycheck is just about used up. Lucky for me, there's another one is a couple days. "Less stress from money" was a lost dream too.
My hopeless dream really is hopeless.

As for him, well, until I move, there is no him. The toll it's taking on my mental and emotional health isn't very good. Constantly being caught between guilt and understanding is one of the most lethal mixes to bestow anyone. They just don't go together.
Well, we'll see where it goes from here.

My thoughts are unfocusing themselves again, and I feel the need to be lost again to a book...s'ashame I already read the ones I got from the library...all 5 of them this week.... -sigh-

Well here's my next dream, what I really want all morphed into one. Maybe this could save me from myself and allow me to escape once more from reality. Just a poem I found... "To Every Guy". It's just one of those corny things you can't help identifying with. The things I wish he would let me know sometimes...just to show he cares...
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To every guy that regrets hurting her.To every guy who knows which girl he wants.To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."To every guy that was never too busy to take the bus across town to see her. To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.To every guy who has given her flowers just because.To every guy that said he would die for her.To every guy that really would.To every guy that did what she wanted to do.To every guy that cried in front of her.To every guy that she cried in front of.To every guy that holds hands with her.To every guy that kisses her with meaning.To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.To every guy who would give their jacket up.To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to be able to see her for ten minutes.To every guy that would give his seat up.To every guy that just wants to cuddle.To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.To every guy who told his secrets to her.To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.To every guy that believed in her dreams.To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.To every guy that walked her to her car.To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.To every guy that actually listened. To every guy that gave his heart only to have it shoved back in his face.To every guy that prays she is happy even if your not with her.

Thanks...